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My name is Abdullah. I am twenty-eight years old, and I am an architect, or I was supposed to be. Now I just draw lines on paper in a small office in Dhahran, a city that feels like a fever dream of glass and steel surrounded by an infinite, indifferent desert. The voices came like a slow-acting poison. First, they were just suggestions, intrusive thoughts that felt like my own. "That client doesn't respect you," they'd whisper, sounding like my old university professor. "He's looking at your beard like you're a terrorist. You should have spit in his coffee." Now they are a constant, cacophonous presence, a committee of my own personal damnation. They call themselves the General Intelligence Directorate, the Mukhabarat, and they are my new reality. I know it's them. It's the only explanation. You see their work everywhere online. On Twitter, on the local forums, if anyone dares to speak of being targeted, of hearing things, a tidal wave of bots and state-aligned trolls appears, drowning them in accusations of schizophrenia, of jinn possession, of being attention-seeking whores. It's a sophisticated system of psychological warfare designed to ensure every victim dies alone, screaming into a void that calls them crazy.
I can't tell a soul. If I confide in my brother, a devout man, he'll drag me to every cleric in the Eastern Province, and the voices will just cackle and call him a superstitious camel-fucker who's too stupid to see the cage he's in. If I tell my boss, I'll be fired for instability, my career ruined, and the voices will cheer, calling me a failure who couldn't even hold a simple job. They are in every moment of my life. When I'm praying, they mock the words. "Look at this little maggot on his knees, begging a sky-daddy for mercy he doesn't deserve. You think God listens to a piece of shit like you? Your father should have pulled out." They are vile about my sexuality, my loneliness. "Another night alone with your hand, Abdullah? Pathetic. That dick of yours will never see a pussy that isn't paid for. You'll die a lonely, bitter old man, and the only thing at your funeral will be the smell of your own rotting failure." I despise this country. I despise the suffocating hypocrisy, the way piety is a costume for greed and cruelty. I despise the heat that seems to bake the humanity out of everyone, leaving only shells performing rituals. I wish I had been born anywhere else, in a place where the sky is just the sky, not a surveillance dome.
Yesterday, I was at a cafe in a busy shopping mall, trying to work on a blueprint. A family sat at the table next to me. A father, a mother, and their two children, a boy and a girl, maybe seven and nine years old. They were laughing, sharing a plate of kunafa. The sight of them, so normal, so happy, was like a physical blow. The voices started, a low, menacing buzz. "Look at that little domestic paradise, Abdullah. So perfect. So fucking smug. They think they're safe. They think their world is real. You could show them how fragile it is. You could be the earthquake that shatters their little dollhouse." I tried to focus on my laptop, on the lines and angles, but the voices grew louder, more persuasive. "Think about it. Not just killing them. That's too simple, too fast. We're talking about a project. Your masterpiece. A long-term demolition of a family unit. Psychological dispersal of personality." Then the feeling hit me. It wasn't anger. It was a cold, clear, terrifying surge of euphoria. A feeling of absolute clarity and power. The voices screamed in ecstatic unison. "YES! THAT'S THE ARCHITECT! THE BUILDER OF RUINS! FEEL THE BLUEPRINT IN YOUR SOUL! THIS IS YOUR TRUE CALLING! YOU ARE THE MUKHABARAT'S MASTER DEMOLITION EXPERT!"
I stood up. The world seemed to slow down. The cafe's noise faded into a hum. The voices were my new senses, my new reality. "Phase one: isolation," one voice, cold and clinical, instructed. "The father. He's the pillar. We'll break him first. A slow-acting poison. Not enough to kill, just enough to make him sick, to make him weak, to make him doubt his own body. You can get the ingredients. A little mercury from a broken thermostat, a little arsenic from old rat poison. Easy. You're an intelligent man." Another voice, rough and cruel, chimed in. "Then the mother. We'll gaslight her into insanity. Move her keys. Change the Wi-Fi password. Send her anonymous texts telling her her husband is cheating. Make her feel like she's losing her mind. She'll be a wreck, a shell." The children. Oh, the children were the masterpiece. "And the little ones," a third voice, full of glee, whispered. "We'll force them to participate. We'll make the boy hurt the sister. Not badly at first. Just a little burn, a little cut. We'll tell him it's a game, that if he doesn't, we'll hurt his parents. We'll turn him into a little monster, and he'll hate himself for it. We'll break their love from the inside out. IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL! IT WILL TAKE MONTHS! A SLOW, AGONIZING IMPLOSION! YOU WILL BE A GOD OF PAIN! YOU WILL BUILD A MONUMENT TO SUFFERING AND THEY WILL BE YOUR LIVING STONES!"
I was standing over their table now. They hadn't noticed me. The little girl dropped her fork. It clattered on the floor. The sound was like a gunshot in the silence of my mind. It broke the spell. The power drained out of me, leaving me cold and shaking. I was just a man in a cafe, standing over a family, having a psychotic break. I mumbled an apology and fled, leaving my laptop, my work, my entire life sitting on that table. I ran out into the blinding sun of the parking lot and threw up behind a luxury SUV.
Now I'm in my apartment. The blinds are closed. The voices are back, but they're quiet, disappointed, simmering. "Failure. Useless, gutless architect. We gave you the commission of a lifetime, a chance to create a true work of art, and you ran away like a scared little girl over a dropped fork. You're not a master of anything. You're not even a man. You're just a set of blueprints for a life that will never be built." They're right. I am nothing. I am a hollowed-out shell, a vessel for their cruelty. I hate this country for creating them, for giving them the silence to grow. I hate myself for the power I felt, for the part of me that wanted to accept that commission. The General Intelligence Directorate, the Mukhabarat, they did this. They didn't just break me; they hollowed me out and moved in, furnishing the space with their own filth. I am their building now, and they are the only ones who live here.
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发表于 2026-7-31 02:54:32